The Great Pretender

Recently, I’ve been re-evaluating my career choices, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been pretending to like something that I really don’t like. So, I’ve been mentally trying different jobs on. And wonder, would this job fit? Would it be too snug, like an uncomfortable pair of shoes? Or would it be too comfortable, like my favorite yoga pants? A career, job, whatever it is you have to do to earn money, should be something that’s challenging, but not too challenging. Slightly structured but not too structured. It should be juuuussst right…maybe that makes me a career Goldilocks. But, this mentally trying on of careers has raised the question , am I pretending in other areas of my life?

I pretend that I enjoy being with certain people, when really I just want to punch them in the face, doing so with all the love of Jesus in my heart. Instead I smile politely and tolerate their presence. (Don’t worry, these people know who they are. My polite smile is pretty obviously a fake one.) I pretend to enjoy certain activities, when all I want to do is sit on the couch with my Oero’s and binge watch something on Netflix. I pretend to enjoy subject matter to try to better my career, but all it does is make me want to take a nap. Some of this pretending is to be polite, but some of it, I wonder if it’s me lying to myself.  Either way you cut it, the pretending is getting to be a bit much, and makes me wonder if my entire life is one big game of pretend.

When I was a kid, my favorite game to play was “House”. You were all kids once, I’m sure your familiar…it’s a game of pretend, you make a pretend life, with a pretend house, a pretend job, pretend kids, it’s all pretend. Sometimes, this game was acted out with Barbie and Ken, sometimes, if there were enough friends around we’d play the roles ourselves.  In my games of house, I was always an educated career woman, who had both a fulfilling career that she loved, and a loving family to come home to. She had a big yellow house with a wrap around porch, went to Disneyland whenever she wanted, and had a rockin’ pink corvette (just like Barbie). She also had big curly hair treated hourly with Aquanet and always wore puffy sleeves, it was the 80’s after all. It was fun, it helped me shape what I wanted my future to be. But it was fun, pretend, but fun.

Real life, is nothing like the pretend game I had envisioned in my 8 year old head. Real life doesn’t have weekly visits to Disneyland, a pink corvette, definitely no big curly hair treated hourly with Aquanet, and for me no yellow house with a wrap around porch. Real life, although full of many many blessings, also holds uncertainty, self doubt, anger, jealousy, and pretending, but not the good kind.

So, with all of this worry about pretending, I do what any  Christian does in this situation. I pray about it, I take it to the Lord. And he assures me, that I can’t pretend around Him. He knows what’s in my heart, and He knows where the “just right” place for me is in this world. He also tells me, that this world is not my home, so everything will feel like those uncomfortable but cute pair of red heels, wearable but still a little snug. My home is where He is, my home is in Heaven, where He has prepared an awesome mansion for me. I can stop pretending, I can be myself.

Now, if only I could get my heart to believe what my head thinks…

That’s where faith comes in, switching it up a little,  letting your heart lead, and making your head follow that lead. And that’s where the pretending can finally stop. When you follow your heart there’s no way you can pretend, because your heart and your calling never lie. See, your calling is from God and God never lies. We lie to ourselves, we lie to each other, we have perfected lying, but God…He’s the only one that will be honest. The only one you don’t have to pretend around.

So, kick off those uncomfortable but cute red heels, maybe pull out the orero’s, relax, listen to your heart, and stop pretending!

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Romans 12:2 NKJV

bonnetspideriii

P.S. If you like Bluebonnets and various other wildflowers. I will be posting about my tour de Tejas in a few days. There will be flower photos a plenty!

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Thrifting Thursday: Dr. Rice McSteamy

When I was an infant my family spent about a year living in the back woods of Louisiana. Apparently, we lived near a rice field and were pretty close to the owner of said field, because we’d end up with huge bags of rice. Hence, the many rice centered dishes my mom cooked for us, hence my first solid food being rice and probably beans, hence my great love of this grainy carb.  As a child, I remember craving things with rice, particularly rice, gravy, and chicken with a handle (ya know because I couldn’t call it a leg, things from the meat tree don’t have legs!), and for dessert red jello topped with a little poof of cream. Well, the point of this story is not tell you about my favorite childhood meal, but to share with you an appliance I remember my beloved carb being prepared in.

hitachiricecooker

A Hitachi Chime-O-Matic Rice Cooker. Yeah, I realize it’s a weird thing to share on Thrifting Thursday, because it’s kind of an appliance and it’s not really something I’ve thrifted. But it’s old, and I think it’s kinda cool. I mean who wouldn’t love the giant orange bell, and where can you find something with a chime-o-matic feature nowadays?

Anywho, while we lived in Louisiana, my mom received this magical cooker of rice as a gift from my dad’s brother’s in-laws who were visiting for dinner. My mom was cooking rice on the stove top, ya know the old fashioned way waiting for the water to boil or however you cook rice the old fashioned way. Anyways, the point is that they thought it was taking waaay too long for that rice to get done, and that it was just a sin that my mother didn’t have a rice cooker to provide her family with rice almost instantly. So, they gave to her my most favorite of small appliances. That was 30 years ago, I was 1.5 years old.

So, I’ve grown up with rice cooked in a rice cooker, particularly the Chime-O-Matic Rice Cooker.

And ya know what?

It still chimes when the rice is done.